And then I asked myself…does it hurt? And the answer was, yes it does. But then again, why does it hurt? Because I didn’t get the love that I always wanted, or was it because I saw him going away with someone else? Is it really easy to let go of things that mean a lot to you? Not really. It pains me everyday, every minute, every second and God knows, what maybe the nano seconds. It’s a challenge for me to put up with the task of smiling and talking to people. I would like to scream my head off and run away in a far away place to feel the peace of isolation but even then I can’t help feeling like I am going far away from you.
I dont know what to do
Do you really care about that? Does it feel like things are slipping away from you every time you see me online but I don’t knock you? I feel disgusted at myself. I feel like my existence doesn’t have any meaning because I am hopelessly waiting for someone to love me back when he doesn’t even like me.
Tell me, how do I fall out of love with you? Teach me to do that. Or, perhaps you could do another thing, teach me to be selfish enough to want you for myself. The thought of having you is so mesmerizing that I am left with the overwhelming thoughts and dreams, that should have come to someone who has her eyes closed but instead I have my eyes wide open every time I have the dream. But do you know out of the same eyes after I had these thoughts? Its the tears. The screams of my despair may be drowned up in the pillow but the tears never really stop. Maybe all my life these words would just be saved as a draft, no one would eve know what will happen in the future, and these words would never get out of my mouth. Maybe they would come to these lips but they would never escape. Sometimes the responsibilities even suffocate me because I really don’t know what to do with them. What will go wrong if I become a bit more selfish? Can I really tell you that I love you? Can I bring the words to my lips that how much you really do mean to me and how much I want you? I can’t. Because this isn’t possible for me. I just can’t do it. But I love you. More than the countless stars above. But you aren’t mine to keep. So be happy and be just the way you are.
